We all have to start somewhere, right? Well, for me it started in May 2016 when I unexpectedly lost my Mom. I've experienced lost previously having lost my Dad and my grandparents, whom helped raise us, but losing my Mom brought me to my knees. Up until this point, I thought I had it all together. I was always the person who worked hard no matter what the circumstances. This experience changed all of that.
I found myself lost and depressed and nothinig else seemed to matter. You see, not only did I lose my Mom, but my siblings and I were left in chaos as my Mom had adopted seven girls over the years and four children still lived at home, two of which were special needs. I'm one of four biological and seven adopted children, thus eleven in all. With no will, we were facing many challenges. As time moved forward we started finding our way. There was no perfect situation and still to this day we all help each other take care of the siblings in need.
Now, this is where I get to myself. With working so hard taking care of everyone else (this is me by nature), I stopped taking care of myself. I suffered greatly. Mentally, physically and emotionally, I was a mess. I refused treatment, therapy, or help from anyone for that matter. I was administrator of my Mom's estate so that meant I could throw all of my energy into doing, doing, doing, which left me with even less time for me. Not only did I suffer, but as a result my two children and husband suffered as well.
It wasn't until I found myself in a yoga class that I actually started releasing my feelings and finding an outlet. I cried and cried during those intial classes. Something sparked in me. I found myself in a safe environment, but it wasn't the physical aspect of yoga that helped me. Rather, it was the quiet time with myself that took me on a journey within.
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